Half of Carling!? Make that a Tennants Super and White Lightning snakebite with a double Jack Daniels chaser and a couple of tequila slammers while we're waiting. No, just a half of Carling's fine.

But this is your stag do! And I've got an RU-21 Red!

Meaning? Well, a while back a pill called the RU-21 came out which supposedly keeps you sober and stops you getting hangovers.

Boo. Who'd want one of them? Soviet secret agents apparently - for whom they were said to be invented. They could appear to be getting drunk while actually staying perfectly alert and continuing to spy.

So is it a Russian company that makes it? Spirit Sciences is based in California, but has laboratories in Russia. Some of the scientists there used to work on secret party programmes. Now RU-21 is a hit in America and throughout the rest of the world. Monthly sales in South Korea alone are $2.5m.

And this new RU-21 red pill, what's that all about then? It it does the opposite - makes you get drunk quicker and for longer.

Rejoice! How does it work? It contains grapevine extracts which slow down the oxidation of the alcohol and so keep the person intoxicated for longer.

Genius. Where can I get one? Not so easy at this stage. The news of this pill's development hasn't been greeted with universal enthusiasm, and Spirit Sciences has yet to decide whether it will introduce it on to the market. "I'm not sure I'm going to market it in the USA," co-founder Emil Chiabery told the Daily Telegraph. "I don't want it to become a party drug. We are for responsible drinking."

Presumably some people disagree? Students come to mind. And George Best.

Do say: "Dringe Binking Ocifer? I'm just had the one."

Don't say: "One for the road?"